The Dark Side of Crug

OK guys. This post gives me the CREEPS. It’s long, but if you have time to read it, tell me at the other end of the tunnel if it doesn’t make you want to notify someone else (so you don’t have to be alone in your uneasy gut feeling) or run to Blockbuster to rent Silence of the Lambs or Se7en.

Title: misc items in a box in the trailer
Text:
5 rush programs in fair condition
an x-rated wooden gag bar item
carpet tool
old liquor sign thingy
a couple kids books princessess i think
a fairy figurine
a vintage dickson display base thingy
a new golf glove
a working walkie talkie
a cornucopia glass item
a couple electrical meters & probes i know nothing about

if you show up when i’m here i’ll shoot you more good stuff of your choosing
[name]at [address] [tel]

I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO DELETE THIS AD WHEN GONE SO CALL 1ST
DO TAKE THE ONE BOX WITH THESE ITEMS LISTED
DO NOT TAKE THE OTHER 2 BOXES WITH PC ITEMS
THE INDUSTRIAL CENTER IS MONITORED
PLEASE HAVE INTEGRITY & BE HONEST

Not so much anymore, but in the past I filled a lot of memory banks with bad TV and scary movies. Consequently this list, which if deconstructed and examined line by line might not fire any synapses in those banks, really sets off the cherry bombs in the weird account. Aside from filling in a whole bunch of other gory insane stuff between the lines, did anyone else’s rampant imagination misread “if you show up when i’m here i’ll shoot you“?

All that’s a little dark for a Saturday morning (pre-coffee). Let’s have a little sweetness and light.

This couch is dark, but not in the same way as the previous post, i.e. only the cover is dark not the soul of the owner. I think the poster is very cute. I’m pretty sure it’s a “she” from the way the text is worded. Somehow her freshness and honesty (and after that freaky list we just reviewed) has renewed my faith in humanity. I want to reserve her on a list of *future possible fiancees for my 8-yr-old. She writes:

Beautiful black canvas IKEA sofa on red rollers. Sofa has zipper canvas cover that is easy to wash. I just got it all washed and it is very fresh and ready to go. This photo was taken right before I removed the cover to wash it.

Did you note – she uses capitals only where they make sense?! The thing that gets me though is that she notes that she took the picture right before she removed the cover to wash it. Why? I don’t know. But isn’t that cute? I couldn’t tell you why exactly I love that. Some things in life just never come out of the realm of mystery.

*I’m not sure if when he grows up (or even now) he will agree to his mother picking his wife off of couch classifieds on Craigslist. I might however be able to work that service into my Crug Consultancy…

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